i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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