Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
