yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
