Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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