A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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