I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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