my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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