the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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