He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
