i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
