Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
