considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
