I wanna bring you to show and tell
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
