Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
