I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
