Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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