so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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