if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
