I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
