I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
