Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
