lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
