Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
