Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
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