She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
