I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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