Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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