Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
