Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
