My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
