I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
