He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
