hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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