So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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