how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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