You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
