I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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