I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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