Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
