rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
they're like a gay fantastic four
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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