I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
