someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
