you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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