i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
