I wanna bring you to show and tell
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
