Little spoons don't ask big questions
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
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