sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
