i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
