Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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