I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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